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*the feedback sandwich

Doesn't work. Period.

9:55 - "I'm here for her I'm not here for them"? But... who is "her" and what kind of human is "her"... if... she's ok with them talking to you that way? I mean yes, there are a million different types of humans, sure... but I guess what I'm asking is... would we want someone like that... as a spouse? I certainly wouldn't. Unless she has some trauma around speaking to her parents or standing up to them, and we've discussed it, and it's valid and not just an excuse or her not caring, AND we've agreed that it's ok if she doesn't stand up to her parents. Because I stand up for her daily. Multiple times a day if needed, and I do so for my daughter too, with both sets of parents when they try to interfere in my daughter's life or pose what I deem as a threat to her safety or psyche. Both her parents and my parents. Nuh-uh, you want to reach my daughter you go through me first. Similarly for my spouse. And if I'm doing that for my spouse, I'd obviously want a spouse who's doing that back for me too.

4:10 - It is NOT a game. If I constanty want to either stab myself or jump off a building because that would mean being free of them... then IT. IS. DEFINITELY. NOT. A. GAME. Tom. ❤

2:42 I needed to hear this. I need to embrace this. And I know I can because I live here and I’ll do what it takes to make sure I’m not letting my past trauma get in the way of a future with her.

I'm not afraid of the rejection but the hurt of multiple months of rejection from my fiance are breaking me down. Multiple months of rejection with 1 half hearted 5-7min session before multiple more months of rejection trying not to check out

Showing trust! = Giving Trust!!

Vibe vs Intuition??

Thats what i do ......dont trust myself, thinking im over reacting.....it can be very confusing expecially with PTSD....or is it the ptsd?? Thats what i do Lisa.... Thankyou for addressing this....great conversation 🙏🙏

My wife left me four days ago… we had trust issues, I never cheated on her or ever thought about it. The problem was I had a habit of lying, about stupid things not serious important things, stupid inconsequential things… but the problem was lying period… she said she was going to her sister’s for a while, but over the last three days she has systematically moved everything out of the house that was hers before we got married. She left every gift I or anyone in my family has ever given her, she left the wedding dress… all her actions are steps you take at the end of a breakup not the beginning of one. How do I trust that she will actually take counseling seriously with the intent of actually being open to try and work through our issues when all her actions say to me that she’s completely written me off and wants to forget the 4 years of our relationship? I want to change my behavior, I know that it’s going to take time, I went thru an EXTREME time of despair, I would come home from work and more of the pieces of the life we built together were missing, every day was a shock to my system that lead to some very very dark thoughts and actions… I’ve overcome them for the most part and now I’m in the anger phase, I’m still willing to work through it… how do I explain how much her leaving has hurt me without attacking her for doing it… I understand why she did it, I even agree that some time apart and some space could help… but her actions in HOW she’s going about this is something that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over.

He said he didnt feel pressure yet he explains the expectations he had from the life he envisioned by those who he emulated. But yet he didn’t feel pressure. Smh. He’s full of shit.

I totally agree with Lisa that the need to address an issue is definitely a woman thing

Happy to see how both talk to each other. Not an ounce of fakeness or hesitation.

Yeah, I'm also that way and I've also always got something playing on my phone; be it a podcast or an audiobook or videos like this one or whatever, but it doesn't have to be an either/or situation like you've made it. The options you have in this situation aren't limited to 'My spouse can't reach me where I'm at, I have to be inaccessible for me to double task because it doesn't allow me to hear them' vs 'I'm not allowed to meet my needs for productivity, I have to sacrifice what I want to be accessible to my spouse' you actually can do both without anyone having to make any sacrifices. Because the great thing about us humans is we have TWO ears! I learned long ago that if I always just wear 1 earbud and keep one ear open when I'm listening to something, I can always hear anyone who might need to talk to me, and still able to accomplish everything as efficiently as I'd like to. It does definitely get tedious to always have to pause what you're listening to for you to be able to hear every time someone wants to speak to you, especially if it's something insignificant and unimportant, but just keeping one ear open allows you to be able to make the call of whether it's important enough to paused for without having to be interrupted for every single thing everyone says. But most importantly, no one ever feels like I'm unreachable or that I don't care about what they have to say and I don't have to sacrifice anything to do it!

This was so good very helpfull

People always can have excuses

So what exactly is the, "incest taboo," ??? 11:35

Me and my partner play question card games

You have an urgency to resolve problem only to feel better, because you have anxiety when someone is feeling bad, you are dependent of their emotions. You are insecure and trying to fix it so you could now feel well when the other person feels well. I know that problem, it is actually insecurity and anxiety, it is putting other people before you and feeling the way they feel. Which is bad for men, because girls will feel 10000 different emotions through the day so you should feel centered and calm, not reactive and trying to fix it. What is wrong with someone feeling bad, you cannot resolve it just do your thing and if they want to talk and clear things up then you can participate. The fear of losing someone and abandonment is pretty strog and that is a core in trying to fix the problem right away or making someone feel better, fear.

I am very sorry for all the respondent of the study highlighting that their level of happiness plummets after having a kid….very different experience for me!

My gf has said that it feels like the honeymoon phase is over and now it’s different I feel like this is bad Is it girls ?

The best thing about kids is making them.😂

Nice information👍

Confidence is like money. Its hard to keep and easy to lose.😂

Please Holy-Benevolent angels, come to my aid. Comfort me and protect me and guide me and direct me and soothe me. My heart is heavy and I’m so tired of going through this pain. I need your help to get me through this. Please no more heart break. I'm in hell. I can't keep going through hell. HELP ME!!

I married a woman who had other sexual partners before me. I knew about a few of them, and hoped it would not be a problem. After 24 years of marriage she insisted on our divorce. I have been single since. She of course found other partners. At some point I am convinced that after some number of partners a person has been trained to require variety and cannot be satisfied or happy with one partner. It appears to me to become a pursuit of casual different experiences instead of being about caring about and sharing with a beloved partner. Body count matters to me and to many other people.

TLDR: You don’t

TOM MADE LISA LAY OUT HIS CLOTHES FOR HIM. THE MAN BABY COULDN'T EVEN GET HIMSELF DRESSED. MADE HIS WIFE DRESS HIM. SAID IT WAS SO HARD FOR HIM WHEN SHE TOLD HIM SHE WASN'T HAPPY BEING HIS HOUSE WIFE (ie "slave"). This guy is a walking red flag. He has no business giving relationship advice to anyone. Lisa was a student obsessed with him, he ignored her, when he finally gave her attention and asked her on a date he showed up looking like a total slob, and told her he is an atheist, any belief in god is stupid and that he watches a lot of porn. Then made her be his wife-mom for the next 8 years. When he came home from work she wasn't allowed to talk about her day or ask him about his day. SHE WROTE ALL THIS IN HER BOOK!!!! AND YET THEY DON'T SEE HOW TOXIC THEY ARE???? FAILED FILMMAKERS WHO MADE BILLIONS IN NUTRITION BARS AND THEN PRETENDING TO BE GURUS WITH NO CREDIBILITY HAVE NO BUSINESS GIVING LIFE OR RELATIONSHIP ADVICE TO ANYONE. Lisa, girl, you need to read Dr. Ramani's books. With as many times as you've had her on your show, you need to pay more attention. Your husband clicks all the boxes. Wake up, girlfriend! You are not empowered, but if you leave his ass you will be!

I was with it until The last part . It’s not your partners job to help you execute your goals. It’s YOUR job. Your spouse can support you and help when they are able to. But never put the pressure of building up another person on another human being… even your spouse. Many relationships fail because on top of homemaking, child rearing and the woman’s own goals the man expects her to be immersed in HIS goals too. Doesn’t work that way.

Is it even realistic to trust your partner not to cheat in current societal norms

Jesus, dont ever tell someone that. Only an idiot would trust someone who cheated in the past.

I've been watching a lot of your guys' content lately, thank you for the content. Your conversations are very interesting. I do have a question (or criticism, I guess). A lot of your conversations hinge around your specific relationship, how you two navigate it, grow together, deal with problems, etc. But I don't see a lot of universalizable (if that's a word) advice. Meaning, the game plan you 2 have devised for yourselves seems to work great, but a lot of the time, I don't see how this would apply as broad advice to everyone. I understand getting that kind of advice is going to be very difficult, because at the end of the day, the most effective type of advice in this realm is always going to have to be tailored to the 2 individuals involved in the marriage, but to be pointed, your videos do hint at giving advice that would be applicable in relationships outside of just your own. "WATCH THIS To Build Sexual Desire & Find The PERFECT RELATIONSHIP!" does seem to imply there is advice that I, for example, could follow and be successful with, rather than just a conveyance of what worked for the 2 of you. I think the problem is going back to first principles, that there are basic assumptions in place about both of you, that make your methodology even possible at all. In other words, you are both the type of people that your methodology has a chance of working with. Not everyone is the same personality type as both of you, unfortunately. Not by a long shot. And I think the making of the bed example you guys talked about is a great example. Where you had to come to some kind of consensus with this clash of values, where both parties can be respected, and it's difficult to navigate, but you can get there through a lot of talking. I think you have a base assumption smuggled in there, that both parties would be open to that discussion to start with. Where more often than not, I think whatever the woman's position is (in this case, that the bed should be made every day), would just be adopted. This is how she was raised, it's "right", and she would degrade and belittle him until he accepted this view, because it's the only way he was going to get peace, or at the very least telegraphed that he has accepted this view, by making the bed. He may still think it's stupid, but ultimately, the bed is going to be made every day, because he just doesn't want the fight anymore. There would be no compromise. Because the woman is right, the man is wrong, and he is going to get belittled and emasculated until he capitulates. And I think this mentality quite commonly bleeds over into much more consequential clashes of values in a marriage, like mismatched sex drives for example. I think more often than not, the clash of values surrounding sex ends up with the man capitulating to the woman, and there is no humble discussion trying to respect both parties. There is a, "this is how it is, this is how I was brought up, or this is just how I feel and that's that". The current official statistic is 1 in 4 marriages are classified as sexless, but I think it's much higher than that, because of this very reason. This is the main complaint I hear from men about their marriages, so I find it hard to believe it's just 1 in 4. There is a clash of values on the topic of sex, and the woman will just continue to berate and emasculate the man until he capitulates to adopting her view or wishes. And any attempt at a conversation that would start with respect for both party's opinions and values on a consequential topic like sex, is just discarded out of hand, because the woman's values assumed valid, the man's are assumed invalid, and that's that. And then the man gets berated and emasculated until he accepts that. I think this dynamic is way more common than people could consciously articulate and are aware of. And to be honest, while I appreciate the conversations you 2 have, those of us that deal with the dynamic I laid out above, still feel out in the cold when it comes to advice, because none of the advice you have would apply in our situations, and a lot of the time that seems to be the case. Those that speak on relationships and relationship advice, don't have a lot of great advice for dealing with the very common problems I laid out above. Thank you again for all your content.

What if your parents did not want kids. Don't you wish they had waited so they could have had their "life" ????

You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.😂

Do you have the video about your letter somewhere

I LOVED this video. It was exactly what I needed to hear as I’ve been going through relatable circumstances off-late. SO helpful and on-point to responding to the prompt question.

Constantly facilitate the other person's growth because you love them, but don't get upset when they don't facilitate yours? :-/ Idk... This gave me more questions/frustrations than answers/relief.

I like your wave:)

I would not want to bring children into this messed up world, homeless population so high, hunger so common, evil government. I would rather adopt!

i do not think it is fair to say that women who cry are using it as a manupilation.... I cry when I get angry ... and try to explain things to someone but it is not really for manupilation

I agree, people should follow their own choices. You don't want kids? Great, the earth could use a little more breathing room. You want kids? Good, more taxpayers. It really not anyone business but for the would be parents. You don't only need a good financial health, you also need a good mental health and tons of your personal TIME. Kids are exhausting, and required a very high "Upkeep" to maintain a good, healthy and educated kids. TIME is the one thing you will never get back, if you choose to enjoy your life without kids, more power to you. If You choose to "Pay" all the cost because you wanted kids, well no one is stopping you either.

Pfffft twice a week! Most guys would die for that

U two are too cute

When I started taking on multiple women, instead of only one, I became happier. I feel more alive and want to work harder now. If you know why Im all ears, because all I know is it works.

omg, the talk about FAMILY and friends encroaching in the relationship. That used to happen to me all the time. Especially with my mom and my female friends. I kept my relationships away from my family and friends until they were concrete. There is a lot of jealousy believe it or not. I even got married in secret, waited a year, then had a small party.

He’s posting on social media during the day while he is at work. There’s NO excuse for him to not text his girlfriend in the manner that she asked.

Thank you for making the statement that you shouldn’t have sex when you’re too young. That’s so important, and I think people ignore that.

I will never have children 🧒 and neither will my sister who is married. My parents will never be grandparents in this lifetime and I won’t be a parent.

I definitely don’t want kids 🧒 and would love to travel 🧭 the world instead and have a cat 🐱 or a dog 🐶

Porn is damaging to a marriage, so bad advice. In the Bible it tells us how to live, and one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is building self-control. Something one must practice. Lisa is a little naive if she thinks her husband will just turn those images on and off during their sex.. A brain on porn looks like a cocaine addict's brain. So, there you have it, want to know how to first of all please God - go and dive into the Bible.